You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
