That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
