Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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