mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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