atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
