R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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