I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
two words: eviction party
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
