Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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