just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
