I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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