Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
