Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
