So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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