the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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