I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
