This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
