I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
