how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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