My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
