omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize