remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
