he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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