I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
