I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
