I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
