my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
