FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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