cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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