HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
