seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
