idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
