so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
