My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
