Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
