Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
