either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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