I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
