Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize