how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
