I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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