Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize