I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
