I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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