i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
