I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
