Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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