man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
