I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
