My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
