hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize