The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
