I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
