and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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