kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish there were birth control emojis
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
