woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
