oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
