We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize