How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
