im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm like, not good at living.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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