im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
