the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
