i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They have beer where we have blood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
