you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
